CIT Clinics patient Stevie Gould shares his healing journey with IV Ketamine and psychotherapy.
My name is Stevie Gould, I'm a student at the University of San Francisco. I'm a junior there this year, it's my third year and I'm 21 years old and at the University of San Francisco I'm a student-athlete I'm on the men's tennis team there.
What brings me here to this clinic is, abuse, I was sexually abused when I was 13 years old by my first tennis coach and it left me with a lot of scars.
I wasn't treating the trauma that's kind of the basis of it. I did get into therapy starting when I was 19 I believe, so about six years removed from the beginning of it which was far too late but I began doing therapy when I was 19 I was put on antidepressants when I was 20, 21 I proceeded to throw those antidepressants out the window a couple times just because it didn't click it didn't work it didn't it was supposed to be a cure or a benefit and it just wasn't working with me.
I came to cit clinics at the recommendation of my therapist Rick Scott, he was a huge proponent of not just the ketamine assisted therapy but in how cit clinics goes about the way that they do this ketamine therapy and the way that it's not just a drug, it's a complete integration as you guys call it.
I could talk about it but words certainly wouldn't do it justice and I think that's one of the most important things that I've learned through these experiences and through Rick as well is when I was first trying to describe it and I was trying to put words to it and I was getting really frustrated and he just said stop you can't put words to it that's kind of the point and so while I could describe it as eye-opening and enlightening you know kind of a 180 flip in a lot of different directions, I think the biggest thing to understand is that it impacts every single person differently and you're going to have your own personal experience with it and it's going to change your life in a way that's completely separate from anyone else's and in that sense it's a beautiful experience because it's completely unique to you.
There are many things that I wanted to feel in my life, that I wanted to believe, truly believe and there are many things that people can tell you. For instance, for me I really wanted to believe that you know I've taken what has happened in my life, the trauma in my life and I've turned it in a direction in which I can be proud of it and I can be proud of who I am as a person and what I've grown in to be and while I can say that all I want there's a difference between saying it and internalizing it and feeling it and I think there are many things in depression and anxiety that I've used to feel and when I went through these experiences what I felt I always wanted to believe, I started to truly feel.
I had absolutely no prior uh history with any psychedelics, in any capacity. I was really tripped out because I was kind of against drugs as a whole I had some bad trips whether it be on marijuana and I was like well I don't know if I really want to do this, I don't know this is right for me um I don't really want to put myself in that under the influence sort of state of mind. And so I had a lot of hesitations but I think one of the biggest things that I thought about was; there's this quote that I really enjoy thinking about which is nothing changes if nothing changes and I think going to do ketamine assisted therapy is a big change. There's not really a way to go around that, it's a big change and it's something that if you're looking to do it you're probably thinking a lot about it and I think while it may seem like a big step, it's going to be something that could have a reward in a sense that can be utterly life-changing.
The communication between myself and you Oli and between myself and my therapist and all the people that work within this clinic. That was one of the biggest things that put me at ease is knowing that I'm not just going to be plopped in a room with a drug and told to trip out and have fun you know I'm going to be guided step by step throughout this journey the integration piece comes because of the people that work here. If you want to make a change this is about as good a place as you can go to make one.
If you are suffering from depression, anxiety, PTSD and even chronic pain, please do not hesitate to set up a free phone consultation to explore whether or not this approach may be appropriate for you. We look forward to supporting you in any way we can.
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If you would like to explore whether or not Ketamine may be an appropriate treatment for you, please set up a free 30-minute consultation with a CIT Clinics Patient Care Coordinator.